Feline Fools Day
by inkysplots
Summary: Minerva McGonagall wakes up one morning to find all is not what she thought. But this is April Fools Day, she should have expected this. Winner of the Platform 9 3/4 Humour Category April 2017


Prompt :Magical Mishaps

Word count:2,555

Note :The following story is a submission to the facebook group Platform 9 3/4.

Disclaimer :The authors of this story did not create these characters and will in no way claim ownership therein. All things Harry Potter related belong to JK Rowling.

Story Title :Feline Fools Day

Rating :K

Genre :Friendship, Humour, Slight Mystery

Pairing :None

Summary :Minerva McGonagall wakes up one morning to find all is not what she thought. But this is April Fools Day, she should have expected this.

Feline Fools Day

The walls of Hogwarts castle had seen plenty of pranks over their many years as housing for teenage witches and wizards. They'd seen their fair share of stolen moments in broom closets too, which always ended up in house points lost and often, a detention. It was a very good job the walls couldn't talk, Filch thought, as he limped along the fourth-floor corridor looking for Mrs Norris. For years he had grown ever more frustrated with the ungrateful toerags who giggled and swaggered their way around the castle, proudly showing off magic any chance they could. His scowl softened slightly as he thought of his beloved Mrs Norris, who had wandered into his life around twenty years ago. He had opened the door to his office one day to see her curled up on his desk, looking incredibly pleased with herself. He remembered how he had scowled and tried to shoo her away for weeks, but she never left his side. She was getting on for a cat, he thought to himself sadly, but she never seemed to act any younger. His ever faithful companion, wandering the halls by his side. Back on the fourth-floor corridor, he turned a corner and cursed roughly under his breath. Still no sign of his damn cat.

The next morning, a sleepy tabby cat stretched out under a heavy blanket, squirming to avoid a ray of sunlight creeping through the windows. It was almost as though the sunlight was moving, deliberately trying to shine into the cat's eyes. With a hiss, the silver tabby swirled into the slender form of Minerva McGonagall, who stalked over to the windows and firmly pulled the gap in the curtains closed. Turning back to her bed she sighed in frustration at seeing the familiar sight of a large brown cat curled up on the pillow. "If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, you simply cannot spend your nights in here Mrs Norris!" She could have sworn the damn cat winked at her. Making to shove the unruly cat off the bed, Minerva's eyes caught the date on the calendar on the bedside. With a grim look of determination and a renewed haste, she waved her hand towards the closet, cast a cleansing spell over herself, dressed and shoved Mrs Norris off the bed in a matter of seconds. As she was pinning up the last few strands of hair, Albus' face appeared in the fireplace. "Minerva. I must speak with you at once. Come to my office," he barked rather sharply at her. Throwing him a look that would stop a fully grown seventh year in its tracks, she sighed and cautiously began to navigate the castle towards his office, shooing a disgruntled Mrs Norris out of her door. For today was April Fools day, and nobody was going to get the better of Minerva McGonagall.

Walking through the corridor to the main staircase, Minerva was forever grateful that the Weasley twins had graduated the year previously, luckily neither Ronald or Ginevra had inherited their ingenious methods of torturing adults. Her thoughts came to a jarring halt as her foot descended not onto solid cold marble, but into thin air. With a resigned sigh, she flicked a small levitation spell at her feet and floated on through to the staircase. ""Thomas, if you know what's good for you, you'll stop laughing and take those explosives someplace else where I can't give you detention for a month," she said crisply, Dean, who was on the brink of full-blown laughter at the sight of a floating Professor McGonagall, promptly snapped his jaw shut and ran off in the other direction, explosives in hand and a wicked grin on his face. Minerva made it to the great hall without incident, and after threatening to take everyone's house into minus figures if they so much as giggled in her direction, she made it safely to Dumbledores office. "Sugar Quill," she said to the stone gargoyle, who blinked at her, almost as in surprise, before turning to give passage. "You summoned me, Headmaster?" Minerva announced as she floated through the doorway. "You do not trust me, Minerva?" Dumbledore questioned, gesturing to her still floating feet. "Not a chance Albus. Not after last year when you shrunk me to the size of a garden gnome. I had to sit on the table to eat! Have you any idea how embarrassing that is?" she hissed at him, trying to keep the memories from coming back to haunt her further. Dumbledore chuckled, "ah yes, however, I do not intend to do anything this year. I feel like being an innocent bystander." Minerva knew immediately that something was afoot due to the bloody twinkle in his eye but decided to let it drop for the sake of her growling stomach. "What did you summon me here for Albus? I'm getting rather hungry, and not getting many answers," she said peering over the top of her glasses. "Why, nothing at all Minerva my dear, don't let me keep you from your breakfast, perhaps a sherbert for the trip down?" he said offering her the bowl of yellow sweets. "No thank you, and whatever you're planning Albus, it better not involve me or so help me you'll be washing green dye out of your beard for a month!" With that, Minerva turned and, well, floated out of Dumbledores office. "You know Minerva, you look quite adorable when you float off in a huff like that!" Albus called out after her with a chuckle.

Refreshing the levitation charm on her feet, Minerva floated back to the great hall on high alert for anyone causing mischief. She saw Argus crouching over Mrs Norris, who stopped her fusses and ran over to Minerva instead. Minerva held back a giggle as Mrs Norris went to rub her legs, missed due to the levitation charm, and instead fell sideways under Minerva's feet. Levitating the hissing cat to her chest, she scratched Mrs Norris behind the ears, before levitating her back to Argus. "Keep an eye out for any troublemakers today Argus. And please get one of us if it's a big mess to clean up, it's always quicker with magic," she smiled fondly at Argus and his armful of Mrs Norris before floating up to her seat. As she dropped softly into her chair, she heard a soft cough coming from her right. Turning she stifled a gasp as she saw Albus sitting in Severus's seat. "But I just saw you in your office!" She exclaimed whilst Albus drew his forehead into a frown. "No, you did not, that I can assure you. I summoned you in your rooms but heard nothing back," Albus replied with a deep intonation. Narrowing her eyes Minerva studied the face in front of her, and the posture. "You're not Albus, are you?" She questioned quietly. "Gold star for Minerva. Your deductive reasoning displays its brilliance once more," he sneered in contempt. With an exasperated look on her face, Minerva replied, "Okay Severus, would you care to be civil for a moment and tell me what you wanted?" "Minerva I called for you as it appears I was placed under some sort of transfiguration spell, and I cannot seem to remove it. Since you're the expert in this area, I require your assistance," With a sigh, Minerva began to enquire if he had tried the basic counter spells, and as he answered in the affirmative, the real Albus stood up and called for the staff and students attention.

"Good morning students! I trust you are having an enjoyable breakfast?" The gentle murmur of agreement mixed with not enough coffee passed through the student body as Dumbledore grinned with his signature twinkle. "Excellent! Now I must remind you that pranking of any nature will result in detention and missing the upcoming Hogsmeade trip. If you get caught that is," he finished with a wave of his hands as fresh cups of coffee drifted through the tables and onto the hands of the students. As he sat down to begin his breakfast, Minerva, who out of mild paranoia, had decided not to touch the food, instead turned to people watching. In her cat form, it was her favourite past time - it came in rather handy with catching students up to mischief too. Her eyes narrowed as she saw the Slytherin trio of Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle sitting in a strange order, Goyle was sat in the middle and seemed to be flirting with...wait was that Millicent Bulstrode? Minerva shook her head quickly as if to refresh the vision in front of her and moved her gaze to the Ravenclaw table. There, in the middle of a group of students was Luna Lovegood, the center of attention. Almost convinced she was imagining things, Minerva quickly scanned the Gryffindor table after seeing a small commotion break out. It was Harry Potter and Lavender Brown kissing, only to be interrupted by Katie Bell and Seamus Finnegan who looked about to throw a goblet of pumpkin juice over the pair. With a quick flick of her wand, the foursome separated out and turned to look up at their head of house who was staring down at the table in displeasure. Minerva shook her head and rose to walk to her classroom. After a few steps, she paused and recast the levitation charm on her feet before floating up to Transfiguration.

The morning passed by with even more chaos than was usual for Minerva's first and sixth year Transfiguration classes. Half the students didn't show up, the few who did make it were covered in boils, glitter, what smelt like dragon dung, or had a particularly vivid shade of hair colour. As the morning drew on Minerva felt a blinding headache creep across her temples and returned to her room just before lunch to look for the headache potion cure. Rummaging through the cabinet by her bed she sighed as her fingers grasped thin air and wooden drawer backs. It was with great effort that she floated down the many staircases to the dungeons where she found a disgruntled Severus who looked mostly normal, except for a long white beard. "Severus, you do look rather distinguished with that facial hair," she said with a small smile. "I was hoping you might help me actually, I've run out of headache potions and the pranking of today has caused more headaches than I was prepared for," she said, softening as her eyes met his with a mutual look of exasperation with the students. "Minerva I have told you time and again I am not your personal apothecary. If you want my potions you must either pay for them or offer me a service in return, such as getting rid of this befouling beard!" he bit out, before turning on his heel and stalking to the potions stockroom. Once inside his fingers expertly skimmed the labels before coming to a sudden halt over an empty space near the end of the shelf. "Minerva, have you been inside my stockroom?" he asked, his voice raising. "Not at all Severus, why do you-" She was cut off as he vanished into his personal quarters. Following him with an air of annoyance, she watched him summon Dibbles, his house elf. "Dibbles, was anyone in here last night?" He asked before the elf had fully materialised. "I, I did not see anyone sirs, just a big puddle on the floors. It took all my rags to clean up sirs, I tried vanishing it but it wouldn't move..." Dibbles trailed off, wringing his hands as his ears dropped in fear of a beating, wide eyes turning to Minerva as Severus grabbed a handful of Floo powder and said firmly "The Kitchens!" Minerva sighed in frustration, dismissed Dibbles and followed suit.

As she arrived in the kitchens in a cloud of ash, the house elves all turned to look at her and Severus in a mixture of curiosity (over the long white beard Severus was standing on) and fear. "Dibbles! Where did you put the rags you used to clean up the potion last night?" Severus asked sharply as the house-elf in question popped into appearance. "O-over here sirs, by the sink, so that, that we could wash the potion out sirs." Dibbles expression grew even more frightened as Severus deftly fingered the rags, before sniffing them. His brow furrowed as he turned to the rest of the house elf staff. "And did anyone use these rags after Dibbles put them here?" The room fell silent except for a gentle hiccup by the fire. "It was me, sirs. I used them to clean out the coffee pots sirs," came the faint voice that Minerva recognised as Winky's. Sighing she turned to Severus. "Does this mean that the students all drank a watered down version of whatever that potion was?" she asked urgently. "And is there a counter cure?" Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and vanished the rags. "It was an appearance switching potion, a modified polyjuice potion. You add who you want to change into, or you drink from their cup. Because it went into everyone's coffee, it caused a mass switch of all the students," he said with a groan. "But why did you change into Albus?" Minerva questioned. "I had some coffee last night before I retired for the night, in a peculiar way it helps me to sleep. The cup I drank from belonged to Albus," Severus said, as his eyes watched the flowing beard shrink by the second. "It appears it is wearing off now, by the end of the day the students should be back to normal. Well, as normal as they were for dunderheads," he finished with a sneer.

Evening fell, and the students returned to their normal appearances. As Minerva morphed into her animagus form for a nightly patrol it dawned on her that she never actually got that headache potion. With a sigh, she padded out of the room and began her patrols, with an intent to disturb Severus for that potion. As she turned onto the second-floor corridor, she literally walked into Mrs Norris. Morphing back to her human form, she crouched down to scratch the cat behind the ears. Softly she crooned "It was you, wasn't it? I've seen you skulking down in the potions store, and I know you can jump that high. Did you deliberately cause all this chaos, hmm?" Minerva worked her fingers over the cat's soft fur until she found Mrs Norris's face. As she looked into the cat's eyes, she swore it winked and smiled before sauntering off. "That bloody cat, one day you'll get into a lot of trouble," Minerva muttered under her breath as she morphed back into cat form and walked away from Mrs Norris to catch any mischevious students.


End file.
